So my Dad got an iTouch and, at first, I thought it was a Gameboy. After I a half hour of trying to figure out how to insert Super Mario Bros. 2 into the thing, my dad told me what it did. WOW! Did you know that there is a touchscreen cell called an iPhone that can do the same thing? I'm constantly amazed by how technonlogy is improving our lives. Here are some of the apps I've been downloading on my dad's iTouch that get DT's Stamp of Awesomeness and that change the way I live my life (when my dad isn't using his iTouch):
1. Track Alert: I get instant updates as to how my ponies finished.
2. Breathalizer: You just blow into the microphone and it tells you if you are past the legal .15 limit to drive.
3. Nickname Generator: This is huge for me, whenever I want to finsih a sentence with a generic nickname, I just shake my dad's iTouch and it generates "Bro, Homey, Toots, Sweetheart."
4. Champps Finder: If I were to ever be allowed by the State to travel, this app tells me the location of the nearest Champps Americana.
5. Awkwardness Meter: I just type in the last sentence of what I said to a girl and it tells me how awkward I've been.
6. Extravegant Tip Calculator: Anytime I'm at the strip club, I can enter the amount of the bill and calculate the appropriate 60%, 70% and 80% tip.
Check them out! And when you do, let me borrow it, I need to check on the Trifecta at Saratoga.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Ponies
Sorry, Bros and Ladies, I had forgotten that I had this blog because I broke my Mom's computer last year and she wouldn't let me use the new one. She's asleep right now, so if I type quietly, I won't wake her and I can fill all you in on my what's up in DT's world.
First of all, I'm proud to say that I am sticking to my New Year's resolution. No, I'm not moving out of my parents house...why would I want to do that? My resolution this year was to fully commit myself to becoming a degenerate gambler. Since Dec. 31st, I have yet to miss a day at the track. I even rang in the New Year there! It was great; Saul the crazy Vietnam vet was there, Eugene the pederast was there, Stella the one-legged prostitute and Train Track Willie the incontinent hobo was there too. The whole gang! We lifted up our Snow Pea flavored Boones Farm and toasted at Midnight as DaddyDidn'tShowMeAffection, a 25-2 philly we all bet on beat out the favored HorsePorn (3-1) in the final leg. I won $600 that night, but Stella stabbed me and stole it all, plus $700 in tips I had on me. But overall this year I'm only $20 down, not counting the $5,000 I was down from 2008.
The secret to my success is all in how I study for the races. I read the track pamphlet everyday at work and make my notes so that when I get to the track, I've got all my ponies for the day picked out. If I had studied like this in college, I may have actually gotten that Kineseology degree. Word to the wise, don't ever pick a horse just for the name. I got into trouble when I put a grand on a horse named I'mSecretlyAHomosexual just because I liked the name. Bad news, bro, it didn't finish the race and they had to take it back to it's parents farm to recuperate.
Uh,oh! I hear my mom coming down the stairs. Gotta sign out.
First of all, I'm proud to say that I am sticking to my New Year's resolution. No, I'm not moving out of my parents house...why would I want to do that? My resolution this year was to fully commit myself to becoming a degenerate gambler. Since Dec. 31st, I have yet to miss a day at the track. I even rang in the New Year there! It was great; Saul the crazy Vietnam vet was there, Eugene the pederast was there, Stella the one-legged prostitute and Train Track Willie the incontinent hobo was there too. The whole gang! We lifted up our Snow Pea flavored Boones Farm and toasted at Midnight as DaddyDidn'tShowMeAffection, a 25-2 philly we all bet on beat out the favored HorsePorn (3-1) in the final leg. I won $600 that night, but Stella stabbed me and stole it all, plus $700 in tips I had on me. But overall this year I'm only $20 down, not counting the $5,000 I was down from 2008.
The secret to my success is all in how I study for the races. I read the track pamphlet everyday at work and make my notes so that when I get to the track, I've got all my ponies for the day picked out. If I had studied like this in college, I may have actually gotten that Kineseology degree. Word to the wise, don't ever pick a horse just for the name. I got into trouble when I put a grand on a horse named I'mSecretlyAHomosexual just because I liked the name. Bad news, bro, it didn't finish the race and they had to take it back to it's parents farm to recuperate.
Uh,oh! I hear my mom coming down the stairs. Gotta sign out.
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